I recently discovered the blog of a Portland mom who's baby girl died a few months ago, at 4 months old. Her baby and mine were a month apart in age. It has been so very encouraging to read her posts and feel that, although she doesn't know me or know I'm reading, that I'm not alone. And she too is a believer in prayer, in Jesus, in Heaven. And she is somehow able to remain positive in her sorrow. I have found strength in her, and I am so thankful. I decided tonight to let her know I've been reading. Here's what I wrote on her blog:
Thank you for sharing so beautifully and deeply your life and your loss. My first and only child was stillborn at a week past due on 10-23-10, my big beautiful 9 1/2 pound baby boy. Like your sweetheart, we don't know why he died either. I held him in my arms for 9 hours that day before my husband and I said good-bye. I miss him every day. I miss him in my work. I miss him when I lay to sleep. I miss him in my dreams and in the painful first moments of each day when I wake. I miss him when I look in the mirror and see his lips in the shape of mine. And when my husband sleeps, I miss my son in the shape of his daddy's sleeping eyes. I came to a similar place of peace as what you wrote about in this post. Recently in prayer I was actually seeking to listen to the Lord, something I've not done much of since we lost our son. And in my listening, I heard the Lord's reassurance that my little sweetheart is o.k. He's more than o.k. He is happy and loving and thriving. He shines with the love of his mama and his papa and that of the Lord, and with a radiant love all his own. It felt to good for my mama heart to realize he's being taken care of, better than I could ever take care of him. Thanks to your inspiration, I have started taking care of our garden at home. I find it helps my heart so much to be able to pour my mama love into something tangible here on this earth. Thank you for your strength and for your faithful outlook. ~Tiffany
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