I see life as one big jigsaw puzzle, which I can see only parts of, but which God above can see in it’s entirety. I wander through life, picking up pieces as I go, figuring out how this one I’ve just stumbled upon fits into that one next to it, which I put into place two years ago, which is connected to the one below it, which was put into place long before I even realized it was there. This has been my view on life for a while now, and most of the time I’ve been content to go along with the game. Sometimes I’ve enjoyed it more than other times. Sometimes the discovering of the pieces has been pure joy, even magical in essence. Sometimes, it has felt like pure hell, being handed a piece I didn’t ask for and never would have imagined for myself or my life’s journey.
Lately I am wearied by the game, which for me has lost it’s luster. I am scorned, and the finding of the pieces doesn’t give me the same thrill it once did. Some days, I question the whole game all together. Does God really have it all together? Does he see the big picture? The ultimate plan? I am tired and put out by the not knowing, the questions, the vagueness of the picture from where I stand. Just this evening, I had a talk with God. It went something like this:
God, why can’t I be moved to a better vantage point? I want to see the big picture. I want to know why you allowed that to happen and not the other. I want to understand what significance certain pieces of my life’s journey hold. I think I’d be able to handle things a bit better if I could just understand why they are happening, just gain a bit of perspective. I want to know what your plan is. I want to see it and understand it. It seems unfair that I am made to walk this unpredictable, sometimes elating, sometimes torturous path I call my life in a fog of confusion while you sit on your throne with all wisdom and understanding. Please Lord, a bit of perspective here?
And this was God’s response to me.
My sweetness, if you could see the big picture of your life’s journey in it’s entirety, you would not be able to handle it. The grandness of the highs and the darkness of the despair, the incredible joys and the debilitating lows would be too much for you to take in all at once. My wisdom is far too big for you to take in. Each of those pieces I give you along the way has significance in and of itself. The wisdom you gain as you fit them into place is enough for you right now. I give each of them to you as a gift, because you have followed me and sought me and you continue to seek me, even in your greatest pain. That big picture you long for… trust me my dear when I say it would be too much. Please, don’t worry yourself with thoughts that are too big for you in your present place. I give you my word and my word is enough for you. Use it as a lamp unto your feet, lighting your path one step at a time. In the end you will see clearly what now you only see through the haze, for your day is young and your journey is not over. What you now see in part, you will later see in full. I will make your path straight, and soon enough you will arrive, and in that place the Son will burn away the fog, and your eyes will be opened. For now, you must just trust me and believe and persevere.
