Light and Darkness

I've been thinking a lot about light and darkness since I slammed my face into the nightstand the other night (see previous post titled "Ouch!").  I have an issue, as I mentioned, with staying up too late, and lately it's just been getting worse and worse.  I haven't been willing to see this an an issue, or confront myself truthfully about it because I felt honestly like I didn't have to.  I have believed for months now that because I lost my son and have been in such terrible grief, anguish and confusion, that I somehow had a "pass" in life.  I felt like I had been dealing with enough in just trying to cope and survive amidst all that's been going on with losing Rami, having G's parents in our home, all the financial burdens, and then starting the new business.  I haven't felt obligated to work on my own issues, like somehow because I was dealing with so much already, I didn't have to work on myself.   That is, until I was smacked into reality with a literal smack in the face.

This is not a new issue for me.  I have always been a "night owl", as we are called, but lately it's worse, and it's affecting my life and my husband's as well.  I've been trying to hide the issue, justify and ignore it too.  I don't do anything wrong or dishonest with that late night time, that's not the issue.  I just indulge in things that I enjoy - watching movies, reading, writing emails, journaling, making or baking things... in the quiet of the night.  Those are all lovely things in their own right, but I'm doing them at 2 or 3 in the morning - and then walking around all groggy and confused during daylight hours because I've not gotten proper sleep.  My sleep hours have shifted dramatically to where I'm not keeping the same sleeping hours as the rest of my household, and I'm missing out on quality of life during my waking hours because my body is off balance.  That blow to the head in the dark the other night happened because I was fumbling around in the dark, trying to hide my issue.  I didn't want to turn on the light because that might have made Ghaith wake up and see how late I was going to bed.

Darkness and Light.  They are likened in the Bible to issues of sin and forgiveness, evilness and righteousness.

¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
   and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
   the night will shine like the day,
   for darkness is as light to you.

 ¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  ~Psalm 139: 11-13

It humbles and relieves me to know that my God knows my inmost being.  He knows me better than I know myself.  Even if I hide these things in the darkness, He sees them.  He sees me.  

I looked up light and darkness in the Bible, and found the following verse, which are not meant to be preachy.  I am simply sharing what I've been dealing with and how the Bible is helping me to bring truth to this issue, and hopefully to overcome it.

"He reveals deep and hidden things; 

   he knows what lies in darkness, 
   and light dwells with him."   ~Daniel 2:22

"...wisdom is better than folly,
   just as light is better than darkness."  ~Ecclesiastes 2:13

"Woe to those who call evil good 

   and good evil, 
who put darkness for light 
   and light for darkness, 
who put bitter for sweet 
   and sweet for bitter."   ~Isaiah 5:20

"God is light; in him there is no darkness at all."   ~1 John 1:5